The purpose of “Thanksgiving EMDR” is to show healing as it occurs, and the hard-to-see effects of past trauma on current experience. The injustices of our society reinforce past trauma and the hope is enhanced resiliency. “Surfing” refers to the release of molecules and bio-electricity whenever past trauma is re-entered at a time when the person knows they are absolutely safe and respected. The concept, “surfing”, is based upon EMDR theory, polyvagal theory (Stephan Porges), and my own clinical observations. The session shows teamwork.

What can we do to calm down when intense emotions spike and are overwhelming? Our thoughts are racing and words become combative. We become exhausted and wobbly. It’s hard to gain solid footing while nauseated and dizzy. Calming down to re-energize and stabilize becomes the priority. There are two how-to-methods: Self-Care and Relationship-Care.

I listen as others share their thoughts. Sometimes I'll say, "That's a Thought-Mistake" and other times, "You are very clear and powerful!" Every Thought-Mistake contains a clue about power and love; and this is a short how-to guide.

Anger expresses denial of wants/needs and resistance to domination/control [and it] subsides when [they] are satisfied and [there is] relief from domination… What happens if satisfaction of our humanity is hopelessly denied, domination and control is inescapable? One response is rage. Rage lacks empathy for anyone touched by destructiveness. There is a pandemic of defining people as Things and the domination/degradation that flows from that. [It] is ongoing and for that reason healing and empowerment must be perpetual. This is the outline …

Stricken by COVID right before Thanksgiving 2023, in the ER I felt helpless. Later during days in bed at home I had a recurring sensation during fits of coughing and fever and low blood-oxygen: Helpless is familiar to me, it's a ghost from the past and a shadow cast by realities of today. … A client of mine lives in a country alongside the Baltic Sea. Material conditions that support personal health, professional identity and the joy of living began to erode after the end of the Soviet Union, now life is almost unbearable from the effects of Russia's unrestrained war to destroy Ukraine. Last winter, visions of Armageddon, physical pain and social isolation led them to imagine lying in the snow to die by freezing. Sometimes there's power in giving up - we're still talking, we're not surrendering.

Posted by permission granted by Celeste, a dear friend of ours. Diane has known Celeste since she was Assistant to the Producer for Trevor - the movie, and I joined the special group of friends when I became “Mx. Diane”. I present to you the essay because the words of this playwright and human rights activist embodies my idea “Five Ways of Lifetime Healing: Self-Love, Helping Friendships, Villages, Social Justice Work, Tell The Story”. Celeste is Artistic Director and Co-Founder of the Future Perfect and a 2023 Guggenheim Fellow.

A client asked me, “What can I do to feel better?” Over the years I have wondered, is there a simple outline to help a person take care of themselves throughout the ups-and-downs, be they mild or intense?

The Fight-Flight-Freeze response to danger (real or imagined) released molecules to get ready for action. The therapist’s non-threatening way contrasted sharply with the painful sensations felt by the client. In the presence of a trusted therapist healing occurred: emotions were released along with chemicals that calmed. The client relaxed and thought freshly (freed from some toxicity of the past injury.) I call this Emotion Surfing because we ride a wave to a shoreline of rest.

What is Ambivalence? You might have seen a movie or read a book, Dr. Doolittle. One of the creatures is the *Pushmi-Pullyu*. It wants to go in opposite directions at the same time. The opposite directions could be a moral choice between right and wrong. Hopefully, the tension is resolved in favor of goodness. A challenge arises when there isn’t a clear moral choice. Each choice has pros and cons.

The Golden Rule is “Do unto others as you wish they would do for you.” What if they don’t get it, that what you’re doing is nice? It could be a matter of style or taste, such as music: you love Classical and they say it’s boring. So, we’ll adjust the Golden Rule: “Give to your Love in a way that they get it.” It's a two-way street, giving and receiving through the Five Love Languages (Chapman, 1995.)

Motivation: What is It? One answer is: The desire for motion. Desire is an emotion. The most basic desire would be: less pain and more pleasure. There are times when a person might flip it. Reasons vary as do reactions. For example, a person might feel pride or shame for seeking pain and fleeing pleasure. Recognition and anticipation (of things that cause pain and pleasure) is done by the inter-connected limbic system and thinking brain.

When does sharing emotions injure versus heal? There’s a lot of especially human emotions like envy and jealousy, shame and guilt, and so on. This blog looks at primary emotions that we share with other mammals. Emotions are physiological events, but that’s not all. Emotions are social events. Healing occurs when we encounter our shared humanity such that emotions flow without Flight-Flight-Freeze. The healing experience is one of powerful connection through safety, trust, respect - love.

A 2-minute video introduces how deep relaxation helps. For a deeper dive, there is a link to this site’s podcast: "Psychotherapists Say It Like It Is: A Psychotherapist Gets Counseling". The guided meditation video (18 minutes) is based upon the "verbal massage" developed by a hospice chaplain. The images from Iguazu Falls can be enjoyed by a caregiver during the patient's meditation.

What is grief? Grief is the experience of unacceptable loss. It is different from all other kinds of sadness. Unacceptable loss, what’s that? There’s a scene in a classic movie about World War I. A soldier is wounded in battle and brought unconscious to a field hospital. A couple of soldiers, buddies, are standing at bedside. The wounded soldier opens his eyes, points his figure, and says, “My leg hurts.” One of the buddies says, “Your leg was cut off.” After an instant of silence, the wounded soldier’s expression changes from shock to horror. He wails, “No!”

Stability is achieved through Crisis Intervention; and this leads to Safety and Hope. Solutions are created by Problem-Solving; and a person Adapts and Progresses. Growth is inspired by Hopes and Dreams; that leads to Happiness and Contentment.

Psychology and Psychotherapy: What is the difference? It can be confusing because the words overlap as a discussion goes back-and-forth. I’ll start with psychology because it can help us recognize healing. Then I’ll discuss psychotherapy which is a way to heal.

It begins with a commitment to look inward, to take an inward journey. Are you ready for this? Is something you want? Have you done this before? Usually the most transformational work is done with art therapy because the process does draw from within and brings up unconscious material.

She came to me with significant family difficulties. That is what I was mostly working on with her. This was not an easy client for me to work with and stay open with. There were times when she said things that made me cringe. For example, blatant racism, homophobia, transphobia. You have to be very careful how you choose to address that in a therapeutic setting.

The family’s from [Country]. There’s a lot of cultural issues. She’s back home now and they’re treating her like a child again. There’s a lot of cultural factors which she had stepped away from when she was in college. She came home and she started acting like a child, of course.

This is about a young mother with two little ones. Her husband was in tech [and is hyper, self- absorbed]. Theirs is not a gratifying relationship. She came out of terrible poverty, had an alcoholic father and an emotionally disturbed mother. Her parents were immigrants.